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It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.