Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!