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If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.