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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.