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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
This beer tastes like Iām going to text you later.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.