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If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?