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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.