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The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
Is there another word for synonym?
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.