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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.