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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”