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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.