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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?