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The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.