Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist