Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Valentines day
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.