Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!