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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.