Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
My girlfriend told me to grow a pear… What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional