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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.