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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?