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Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs