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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol