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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.