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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.