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Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I always advise people never to give advice.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.