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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.