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Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
´s status message is better than yours
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"