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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.