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Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..