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I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
about love
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.