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All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.