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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Exercise? More like extra fries.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point