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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours