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Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?