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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.