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I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...