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facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.