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"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Serving size ?? LMAO
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
Can I get likes for no reason?
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time