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I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Check this one out.........1
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.