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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
This patience thing takes forever.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.