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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.