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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
The fox says you need to stop.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!