Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....