Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.