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The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.