Daily Silly Status

I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.

Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.

I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.

Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.

When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.

If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)

If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!

Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.

There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.