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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
It`s my birthday. Iām not just a year older, Iām also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss