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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(:
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.