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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.