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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.