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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.