Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...