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And then her mood ring just...exploded
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.