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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.